Worst Analogies

I happened upon a list of some of the worst analogies ever created.

Here are my favorites:

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life were like a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like, "Second Tall Man."

He spoke with the wisdom than can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those little boxes with a pinhole in it.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene has an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7p.m. instead of 7:30.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.

... and my absolute favourite:

John and Mary never met. They were like two hummingbirds that had also never met.