Monday, August 29, 2005

Quantum Elevator

I hate nag posts but I feel I absolutely MUST get this off my chest!

Lebanese have NO concept of what the "UP" & "DOWN" arrows on elevator consoles are for!

This is what we do:
  1. Press "UP"
  2. Press "DOWN"
  3. Press "UP" three more times because elevators are attuned to urgency
  4. Take a step back and glance at the panel with the numbers
  5. Press "UP" again really firmly this time to show we mean business
  6. Let out a sigh as if we've been waiting for Godot himself
This of course will cause any elevator coursing through our floor to stop and open its doors at which point we do one of three things depending on our level of attention to detail:
  1. Walk in and select our destination only to be left bewildered as to why the elevator is moving in the opposite direction
  2. Or we ask if the elevator is moving up or down although it is clearly indicated by the BIG FLASHING ARROW inside and out
  3. Or we realize that the open elevator is not the one we seek and give the passengers a blank stare of "What are YOU looking at?"

If we can't get over a century-old technology, can you imagine the trouble we'll have once quantum teleportation kicks in?
"Oh... this isn't my planet, I wanted Mars!"


Blogger Matthew said...

So true! Just yesterday I had a similar experience. I had already pushed the down button, which had dutifully illuminated. Then a Lebanese guy walks up right after me and pushes the same button (still lit up, obviously).

As for the getting on the wrong elevator thing, I've often wondered why, when I am in the elevator it stops on a floor with no one there. Clearly, it is because someone pushed both buttons and took the first elevator that arrived, regardless of the direction it was going. Who knew?

8:44 AM, August 30, 2005  
Blogger a h m a d said...

Well, why not think the other way round and create elevator systems that will speed up if you press several times on the same button? :P

By the way, I keep seeing it happing; People not "reading" the sign whether the elevator is going up or down. Lately, when the elevator opens, I quickly announces, "going up" or "going down" to shed light on the complicate signs and to help the blank faces that I encounter. :)

7:31 PM, September 02, 2005  
Anonymous webSonix said...

I simply loved it and am circulating the link to my cyber friends. Wait until the day Otis or Schindler create a carbon nanotube elevator to the space station, Lebanese 'astoknots' (LOL)will be prohibitted from using it.

9:29 PM, September 12, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

if only it were a true "lebanese" happens everywhere in the world....and guess what....sometimes....I do it never know....who ever is going down might get of on your level and then the elevattor is hanging in midair, not a care in the world...and will take you up...although it went down....


PS: I think it is a question of personality ore than nationality...

5:00 PM, September 13, 2005  
Blogger Ramzi said...

I suppose Lebanese don't have a monopoly on elevator frustration, but still... it's pretty damn annoying!

2:07 PM, September 14, 2005  
Anonymous graeme said...

oh boy.. and we think the lift protocol in Hong Kong is bad enough ! looking forward to learning enough arabic/french to tell them to sod off out of my lift..

12:53 PM, September 26, 2005  
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