Friday, May 05, 2006

We miss you


It's been a week since you've left.
I had to count the days and was surprised to find they were seven.
"Yesterday" is what I keep answering when I am asked.

These hours and days without your presence are a strange place.
I have not come to accept that you are gone. Only that you are not here.
It's a fine line, I know, but it makes a world of difference to me.

I always knew you were loved and would be missed.
But I never imagined you had touched so many people's lives.
So many Dad!

You always had little tolerance for crowds, so perhaps it is best that you were not there.
You wouldn't have liked them sitting on your favorite recliner by the window.
And you would have shrugged off the fact that they broke the gramophone's brass horn but I know you would have been upset.
You loved that thing! I'll fix it.

I want to ask a few things of you.
First, I want you to rest assured that Mom and I will be fine. There is more love and support around us than I honestly think we deserve.
Second, know that that 'thing' you did on the first night didn't scare me or Mom at all. I knew it was you and I loved it.
Third, you deserve to be free of the pain you have endured for so long. Enjoy the peace, there is nothing you should regret or feel sorry for.

I'll be leaving in a few weeks. And I'll have much more news to tell you then.

We miss you,

P.S. Your robe still hangs by the door. Your pill box still has the medicines in it. We're holding on to those. We won't change a thing.


Blogger a gaijin in nihon said...

I am very sorry for your loss...
You know, this April, it has been three years, now, that my dad is gone too, and it still feels like yesterday...
So, don't count, it will hurt...However, try to keep smiling. I used to smile with tears in my eyes. Today, I smile with sorrow in my heart and I look forward to smiling with a happy inside one day. It all takes time...and Time eventually will heal some pain and the rest is left to memories...

May you and your mom have the strength to go on just the way you think He wanted you to be.

Ex animo,

4:57 PM, May 05, 2006  
Anonymous Lama said...

May your father rest in peace Ramzi, he will always be with you. The pain will heal, just keep the faith.


5:49 PM, May 05, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't think I had tears when reading a post ever before... until now.
"the days/week/month after"... I had forgotten all about it.


6:54 PM, May 05, 2006  
Anonymous Abu Kais said...

My sincere condolences Ramzi.

7:27 PM, May 05, 2006  
Blogger Delirious said...

I Did Not Die

Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow;

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain;

I am the gentle Autumn’s rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush.

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft star that shines at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry.

I am not there;

I did not die.

- Anon -

(Thanx Lazarus for the link)

9:56 AM, May 06, 2006  
Blogger Maldoror said...

His life might have ended, but yours has just begun.
May he rest in peace.

12:28 PM, May 08, 2006  
Blogger Ramzi said...

I loved what you said, for I am frustrated with hearing "time heals all" as if it were just that simple.

Thank you, I will try and be true to his memory and what he wished for me to be. Whether I had any faith to hold on to is questionable.


Thank you.

I read that poem when Lazarus linked to it on your blog and I found it very inspiring.
The author is rumored to be an American housewife who penned it in the 1930s for a grieving friend.

That is the circle of life indeed.
I just wonder whether I shall complete the pattern, knowing what I know now about life.

4:34 PM, May 08, 2006  
Blogger Maldoror said...

Problem is: we can't help it. :) That same wish to avoid death always leads us to complete it, whether we like it or not!

1:32 AM, May 11, 2006  
Anonymous Sero said...

My sincere condolences to you and your family Ramzi.
Im so sorry for your loss...
May he rest in Peace and May God watch over his loved ones...

God bless you and your family Ramzi..

1:48 AM, May 20, 2006  
Blogger Mar said...

He's in a better place smiling down at you.My sincere condolences to you and your mom.I feel the sorrow in every sentence. His love is all around you and will always be with you.Alla yer7amo.

4:26 AM, May 21, 2006  
Blogger YaLLaaa said...

i'm really sorry for your dad...i know it's not that easy to get over the shock but life goes on..what you wrote made me realize that i don't know my dad's favorite things, places, and i'm not that close to him...

2:37 PM, May 30, 2006  

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